Math exam gone terribly wrong....

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2011 ABS Wee A few farkles added so far....

U.S. Navy Senior Chief (Retired)
MSF Rider Coach
The greatest obstacle to learning anything is thinking you already know everything.

The other day I saw a strange procession.

Walking along Main Street in a small town were:

A gent in a tux, pushing a cart with a coffin on it. Beside him,
another gent in a tux, pushing another cart with a coffin on it.

Behind them was a fellow in a suit, leading a large dog.

Behind him walked the most motley crew of misfit males since the A-Team.
There were bankers in suits, bums in rags, men in tennis costumes
complete with rackets, a crossing guard still carrying his STOP sign,
and enough more men that you could have staffed the Village People
over a dozen times.

I was overcome with curiosity, so I got in step with the
fellow leading the dog, and asked him what was going on.

He explained, "In the coffin on the left is my
wife, and in the other coffin is her mother."

I offered my sympathies for his double tragedy, and asked
what calamity had claimed the lives of his wife and her mother.

"This dog killed them."

Thinking fast, I volunteered my services. I said, "You will be
very busy over the next few days, so I offer to take the dog
with me and look after him until next Wednesday."

He smiled ruefully and motioned over his shoulder with a thumb,
and said, "Get in line."

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“Balls!” cried the queen. “If I had to, I could be king.”
“Balls!” cried the prince. “I have two, but I’m still not king!”
And the king only laughed, not because he wanted to … but because he had two.

It’s not semantics, it’s homophones!

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DL1000K6 Red I believe in ... gravity!
"Everyone brings something to the party."
- Snoopy

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple of days later the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

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Flat black DL650A '08

It's about time someone rejuvenated this most-awesome thread.

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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow

This was dedicated to Yesler:

So a fella from Montana was driving down the highway out in the plains of his home state when he spotted a guy hitchhiking along the roadside. Being a kind feller from Montana, he decided to pick the man up. After picking the man up, they started talking for a bit and the Montanan learned that the hitchhiker was from Seattle. They continued on down the road when suddenly the Montanan sees a sheep along the roadside with her head stuck in a barbed wire fence. So, he slams the truck to a stop, goes out to the sheep, drops his pants, and does his business on the hapless sheep. After he was done, he went back to the truck and hopped in, then he looked over at the man from Seattle and said "Come-on man don't you want some of that?". The man from Seattle thought for a second and says "Oh sure, why not", and he gets out of the truck and goes and sticks his head in the fence.

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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow

That's a good one, I can repeat for laughs here in Seattle, lol

So a guy goes duck hunting in Montana. He's sitting out there with his pickup and dog, biding his time. Then along come a group of ducks, flying low. Boom, boom, boom! His dog runs out and retrieves the duck. About this time another pickup comes down the road and it's a wildlife ranger. "Hey, bud, can I see that duck you have there?" So the hunter hands it over and the ranger sticks his finger up the duck's butt, pulls it out and smells it, then says, "This here is a Wyoming duck. Do you have a permit to hunt Wyoming duck?" The hunter replies he does not, he only has a Montana permit. So the ranger fines him $50 then leaves.

Well, time passes, and here comes another group of ducks, flying low. Boom, boom, boom! Dog runs out to get the duck and here comes that damn wildlife ranger pickup again. "Can I see that duck you shot there?" The hunter hands it over, the ranger sticks his finger up the duck's butt, pulls it out and smells it, then says, "This here is a Colorado duck. You got a permit to hunt Colorado duck?" The hunter, clearly agitated, says he does not. So the ranger fines him $50 and drives off.

Shortly after here comes another group of ducks flying low. Boom, boom, boom! Dog runs out, gets the duck and here comes that goddamn wildlife ranger. The ranger looks at the hunter and says, "Damn, boy, you just don't learn. Where you from?" The hunter bends over and says, "You tell me!"

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Neighbor was in Lake Havasu City, Arizona and saw a bumper sticker on
a parked car that read “I miss Chicago.”

So he broke a window, stole the radio and left a note that read,

“I hope this helps...”

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Austin

2002 DL1000 - New to me...
1978 GS1000 - One owner, still putt'n

Well, it is not a pretty story.... about 200 dead crows near Halifax, and there was concern for Avian Flu.

They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact. The Province then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.


The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "CAH", but he could not say "TRUCK."

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Flat black DL650A '08

What do you call an Amish guy with his arm stuck up a horses ass? A mechanic.