Fun stuff goes here...

[janiceclanfield]

New words...

AQUADEXTROUS adj., Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with one's toes.

CARPERPETUATION n., The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

DISCONFECT v., To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it.

ELBONICS n., The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theatre.

FRUST n., The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION n., Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.

PEPPIER n., The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PHONESIA n., The affliction of dialling a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS n., The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION n., The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

[oknemo]

New words...

LACTOMANGULATION n., Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.

...


LOL! In my wayward youth I always got those small milk cartons with my burger. I must have opened hundreds of cartons with this method. I usually destroyed the illegal side as well. Always made a mess. Thanks for the memory.

[janiceclanfield]

Sam and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day
while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,
Sam suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of
the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled Sam out. When the Head Nurse
Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered
her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her
to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good
news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged.
Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping
in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded
that your act displays sound judgement that you have a sound mind.
The bad news is, Sam, the patient you saved,
hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after
you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?'
:rolleyes:

[Strompette]

CARPERPETUATION n., The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Humm... I seem to remember doing that more than once ;)

[stevewz]

Dr. Mary begins her new job as resident pyschiatrist at a mental institution with a tour of the patients. The doctor she's replacing, Dr. Bob, is giving her the tour. They look into the first room and see a man swinging an imaginary golf club at imaginary golf balls. "What's his story," asks Mary?

"That's Richard. He thinks he's Arnold Palmer, and as soon as he gets a hole-in-one he's out of here," says Dr. Bob.

In the next room they see a man swinging an imaginary baseball bat at imaginary pitches. "What's his story," asks Dr. Mary.

Dr. Bob explains, "That's Herman. He thinks he's Babe Ruth, and as soon as he hits a homerun he's out of here."

In the third room they see a man naked on top of a large bowl of peanuts, really going at it in a most embarassing and lusty way. "Oh my, what's HIS story?" asks Mary.

Dr. Bob says, "That's Roger. He's just f#cking nuts."

[The Golden Monkey]

TELECRASTINATION n., The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

My all-time favorite sniglet (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sniglet)!

Here's a companion:

MEMOMIMICRY n., The act of pretending to take a phone message, when you have no intention of actually doing so.

[janiceclanfield]

THE ACTUAL STORY OF EVE (Finally the truth!!! )

"Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of
these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm
just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"Man? What is that Lord?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all
in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will
like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is aroused, but
since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will
satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish
things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he
will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the
catch Lord?"

"Well.....you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring... so you'll have to
let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little
secret... You know, woman to woman."

[ElBando]

I like that LOL

[janiceclanfield]

MORNING SEX

:D
She was standing in the kitchen
preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in almost awake,
she turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove,

her 'T' shirt still around her neck.

A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken'.

[ChelleStrom]

In the context of a bad relationship.....

"If I had killed you when I met you I'd be out of jail by now!"

Beatrice Berry